"Sir, regular duct tape wasn't working, sir!"

"... Send in Big Bertha... God help us all..."

How was I supposed to figure that out? What am I? Some kind of candy wizard?

"After forgetting to replace the oil cap on his bike, my mate rode to the pub. He came out and noticed it was leaking when he left the pub and decided on this fix to make it home."

I fixed the missing keys by soldering some copper wires to the curcuit board where the keys were, so when I touch the wires toghether, it has the same effect as pressing the keys.